28 May 2009

I cling to you.  As my eyes travel down your back, I can see the strain of what you must be feeling.  Your eyes are honest in their betrayal of your inner thoughts, and spill out a message that only I can comprehend within.  I wish I could draw them and lay out their messages in words.  My heart tends to ache when you furrow your brow.  The crease that forms above your nose makes my hand twitch.  I want to smooth it out with my fingers, along with whatever worries or brooding thoughts it brings.

I hold my breath. My hand rests on back of your neck as you rest your forehead in my collarbone.  We lay still in the silence that becomes us. I feel your fingers tighten around a tangled grip on my shirt.  Your voice seeps into my ears in a small whisper.  "Don't go."  My heart tightens more than your grip on my shirt.  My mind plays out the choices I have.  I lean towards thoughts of reckless abandon, and want nothing more than to stay where I am.  Your eyes are pleading.  I am weak.  But I find myself bound to routine and family obligation.  And only know how to run away to the things of which I am certain.  I leave the comfort of your arms.

I linger near.  I fumble with the buttons of my vest and the things I pack away, for the slight seconds that they keep me with you.  I neglect time and the ringing of my cell phone to hear the words you speak; blunt, painful, and heavy, but honest and thought through.  My eyes are lowered. 

You lead me out.  Slipping down the stairs and out into a misty breeze.  Our words are few.  I turn the keys.  I back out of the parking spot. I turn to look.  Your jaw is stern and set with frustration.  I wave goodbye.  You do the same.  I shift into drive.

I took the blame and faded away.



...I was trying my hardest not to cry.

~ Adieu.

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